i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
