I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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