Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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