I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
