Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
