I think im going to throw up on grandma
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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