She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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