Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
