Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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