Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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