I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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