Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
