is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
