It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
