I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
