My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
