I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
