Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
