is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I've blown a few things in my day
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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