I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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