Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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