I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
