Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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