Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
