you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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