just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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