not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
