so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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