dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
