Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
