oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
