You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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