Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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