I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
