watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
