It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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