I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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