What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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