she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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