just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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