Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
