at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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