He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
