Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
