What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
