I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
