Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
