I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
