ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
