Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
