I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
