I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
