She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
