I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
