yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
