my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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